Dating an equestrian through the eyes of someone who would rather lick their own feet after trudging through a muckheap in a pair of crocs!
By the legendary Wayne Garrick
We may be athletic, toned and hard working but it comes at a price, most don’t realise what they are letting themselves in for!
We may be sexy, hot and spontaneously sensual lovers, but there are reasons for this….
Time management, grabbing a quickie isn’t because we are kinky, its because we have brief time slots between daily tasks, enjoy the moment however brief.
We are down to earth, the highs and lows of horses often create grounded people, sometimes literally! But it’s the aftermath you have to deal with, we are wonderfully accommodating until we feel we aren’t getting enough return for our time and effort, we sell horses we’ve ridden longer than we have ridden you, don’t think you can’t be replaced!
We know the value of our time, don’t use it up with mundane duties, keep us interested and on our toes, horses have taught us to never relax as we could die at the next leaf.
We are adrenalin fuelled psychos with bipolar tendencies, one minute we are giving our steeds a mint, the next we are chasing then around a 10 acre field screaming expletives.
We want to feel like we are your first priority , even if we know you may only just make it into the top 10 of our own list!
2)everything to do with horse
3) stuff we had forgotten about at the yard
4) competition schedule
5) moaning on local equestrian Facebook group about people who moan on facebook groups
6) panic about whether horse is warm enough
7) worry about whether you soaked the beet
8) remember you have a partner, be nice to partner as you need them to pick up feed
Wow, you made it to 8 on the list, you’re the one, usually they don’t make it into the top 20!!
Then there is the moment you realise that the partying crazy person you met and hooked up with actually took a rare day off from horses and you don’t see that person again till some random ball or family gathering.
Basically we never have enough hours in the day to live our own lives and usually when it’s cold and we need a warm body we venture out into the dating scene, or in the summer when we are toned, tanned and feeling fetch, so you can admire us and be in awe of our tan, until you get us naked and see we look like we are wearing a white vest top with nipples.
Be brave my little hopefuls, as one day, you may catch us after a fall and convince us under the influence of concussion or short term memory loss that we have always been together and love you more than our horses.